Hey Carnie, can you please explain to me what I am smelling?

What's Wrong with Traveling Entertainment?

Part Two: Carnivals

Famous author Ray Bradbury wrote a book about carnivals entitled: Something Wicked This Way Comes. BOY DID HE HAVE IT RIGHT!

The ten people there look like their having fun though.

I pose this question getting into the topic of carnivals: Has anyone ever had fun at one? And I'm not talking about your local state fair. I am saying one of those crappy, traveling, 20 ft ferris wheel, with a moonbounce, and dirty looking nomad workers one. Much like this picture on the right.

Hey everyone look, were on the top of the ferris wheel and I can see...the middle of a tree. Sweet! Enjoy your sno-cone with dirt in it!

If your going to have a carnival, all I am saying is do it right. For example, the other day my sister's street was shut down, by a carnival that if you built it for a 3 yr olds birthday, they would have just stayed in their room. Not to mention driving by I was 200% confident if I stepped out of the car I would have been immediately shanked by a passerby.

If your going to build a carnival by me or my home, I only ask two things. Don't make me feel like I need to carry a handgun, and don't let the most fun looking ride be one where a toddler is crying hysterically from the clown face behind him.

If your curious, here's what a good carnival should look like:

Wow this one even comes with lights!

OK! Now this is acceptable. Am I right? What's that Debbie? You want to ride that badass looking ferris wheel, or take a spin on this industrial looking carrousel? Of course you can! Go for it! Knock yourself out!

Look, this carnival even has fences around it's rides, so I know that people can't just walk up to the rides while there in mid motion like drunk idiots. Finally some peace of mind.

In closing, if the city is going to take the time to actually close down a street in LA county, can we please make sure that their not setting up a bouncy castle and dunk tank. Let's get some actual legit rides, and you won't get any more complaints.

Oh and here's a bright idea in closing. How about we have carnivals in the park, that way we don't have to close down a street at all. OH MY GOSH Andrew! Brilliant! I know what your thinking, and yes. I am already drafting a letter to our state senator.

Here Ye! Here Ye! This just in, Renaissance Fairs are Stupid!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH TRAVELING ENTERTAINMENT? 


PART ONE:

Hey Everyone! Who wants to go see people widdle things out of wood? No? How about two people beat on each other with sticks? No? Could you be enticed with a small doll made entirely of hay? Yeah, didn't think so.

HI YA! Don't make me whack you with this piece of wood again!

Who invented the idea of a renaissance fair? Hey, let's get together and teach people what is was like in medieval times.....What? Hey person with that idea, guess what? No one wants to do that because medieval times sucked. It was full of dysentery, leprosy and people beating on each other with blunt objects (Which ironically is the only super cool part). There's a reason society progressed from that period. It was STUPID! Not to mention every re-enactment "actor" at this fair will undoubtedly have a criminal record.

**Sound of prison bars opening**

This is someone I want to hang out with...

Out walks inmate Sherman. Gaurd: Sherman, here's your stuff. If your looking for work there is a local renaissance fair coming up. A LOT of kids, weapons, and stuff, should be right up your alley. Cut to two weeks later, Sherman's in a pair of tights handing your kid some medieval candy luring him into his woody station wagon he calls a battering ram. I hate to say it, but his car isn't going to be the battering ram...Hope you had fun at the fair.

Here's a scary tidbit of info. This is a quote from RenFaire.com:

"Many people when they go for the first time are overcome by the sheer hubub of it all. Hawkers in the streets, ribbons and flags waving in the wind, the sound of bells lutes and ocarinas in the air, the lilt of foreign accents, the smell of cooking foods and flowers, the warmth of sun on your face and the wind in your hair."


YIKES! NEWSFLASH! This is a description of a Von's grocery store.


And really? The hubub of it all? Oh my gosh, I am so overwhelmed by these dirty people who are trying to sell me toys made out of human hair. Oh gosh, look at that man over there juggling sticks. Hunny, grab the kids! We have to leave NOW!


Let's also diagnostically look at this quote which I found under the link: "What is RenFaire?"
This title would lead me to assume I am reading something they are writing for someone who has no experience at all at a renaissance fair or hasn't ever even heard of one. 


So why in the hell would I know what a lute or ocarinas sounds like? Huh? Come on.


Am I supposed to sit back when I read this and go, OH YES, of course. The classic sounds of a lute mixed with the majestic ocarinas, who could ask for anything more. 


NO. This makes me want to slap the person who wrote this quote even more than I already do. And the last and in my opinion best part of the quote. 


"Hawker's in the streets."   YES!!!!


Oh thank you, thank you! I've always wanted to walk down a dirty street with creepy people surrounding me and get heckled! Hooray! Please sell some kid a wooden rubber band shooting gun so he can shoot me in the face with it! 

You want to talk about hippie?

Is anyone reading this right now going, "This guys full of shit, I need to hit a renaissance fair this weekend."? Then congrats, you love hanging out in the grocery store parking lots at 2am and got nothing from this post.


For all us other "sane" people. If you really want to do something with swords, spells, and creepy people, go see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 on opening weekend.  


*This is the first edition of a three part series entitled: What's Wrong with Traveling Entertainment? And trust me, it only get's better from here.*

Hey Me! Welcome to Your New Blog! Gee Thanks Me, You Rock!

If your reading the title of my blog and then looking at the background image, then I can imagine that the only thought running through your mind right now is how big of a pot head is this guy? Or, oh no he's one of those hippie's that learned how to use a computer internet machine...I don't know which is worse? But take a breathe Mom, I'm not a pothead. And I hate the smell of Buses, plus my knee's don't fit in the seats, so Hippie isn't really an option for me...

I think this is the literal interpretation of a pothead. According to this picture, if you smoke pot then you are a corporate pawn working in what looks like a post apocalyptic industrial revolution. OH, and your super depressed.

They smell, They love drugs, and they love Buses...

I landed on the title with one simple thought: Who doesn't like Space, Dragons, and an array of colors? (Hint: No One, Minus Idiots) Plus if you think about it, Space is infinite, Dragons are myths (Unless your a hippie, pothead, or Harry Potter), and Colors are fundamental, which is pretty much what I wanted this blog to be; a combination of all three of these things. Infinamentalyth. Genius.

That being said...

I will be throwing up random thoughts and articles whenever I can on this blog, about whatever I can. I hope you guys enjoy this, as much as I'm sure I will. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!